Trying to Turn Over A New Leaf

So I had originally made this BLOG for our summer adventures so that everyone would be aware of where we were & what was going on in our lives.  Now, I think it has progressed to a true on-line journal for me.  I really enjoy sharing my thoughts & feelings & getting feedback from my loved ones.  Sometimes I just feel so isolated out here in NC & it is such a good feeling when I see that I have a comment on here.  Someone out there is here for me & cares. 

Life has been really rough for me since our return a month ago.  We came back and plunged head first back into reality.  In Italy we lived in this protective bubble of living in another culture where we had no responsibilities or bills or anything that modern capitalistic society demands of us.  No TV either.  I really miss my bubble now.  I will just have to wait until next summer.

To start things off I went back to work at JCP.  It's really a no effort job for me but I really dread working there.  12 hour days & 7 day work weeks are just really tiresome. 

I came back to Europe from a life without stress to a life that has so much stress no one in their right mind can handle it.  But I had this whole new attitude that I really wanted to keep, life is OK & I don't need to stress out so much.  So much for that.  Between going back to JCP, not getting any kind of job, etc.  it is just too hard to handle.  I'm back to massages once a month, spa days once a week, basically just anything I can do to give myself some sort of peace & relaxation.  My new attitude that I wasn't going to let things bother me so much is still here but it is really hard to keep going.  I now make a concerted effort to start sentences off with "I'm not complaining but...."  And my attitude is just shorter than it has ever been.  I spent the summer dealing with Italians & their culture.  So now when a customer starts complaining or starting shit with me, I have to really swallow hard to remember my American culture & not reply with something Italian that will get me fired. 

I also came back from Europe with a dieting plan.  I started back up with Alli (I'm not on the pills but I am doing the routine).  I cut my calorie count down to 1200 & I walk/jog a mile every day.  I have lost 3 pounds.  :eyes roll:  This also makes my attitude short & depressing.

But to top it all off is the job issues.  My "mentor" gave me such bad recommendations that no one seems to want to hire me.  I had a really promising interview last week but still no word on it.  All in all life is just so incredibly frustrating that I just want to crawl in bed & never come out.  And poor Jeff has to deal with all of this & the fact that he is included in the "go away, I don't want to deal with anything!". 

And then there is the cat.  Our new cat, Apollo, is 6 months old.  I've never had cats/kittens (beside my loving Jack) in my life so I have no idea what they are like.  Believe me, stay away!  Apollo is the bane of my existence.  Since I am home the most often, I get to deal with him the most.  Between jumping on the TV, my laptop, the counter, the stove (when I'm cooking), and eating whatever I pull out for myself, I am pulling my hair out in frustration!  And the icing on the cake was early this morning when I rolled over into CAT PEE!!  Cat pee on my bed!  I told him & Jeff that we were taking him back, I don't want this stupid cat anymore!  Jeff said that wasn't an option so instead I might feed him to Tammy one of these days.......

So I guess what I'm saying is just that life is very frustrating to me right now & I am trying to stay with a glass is half full attitude but it is really hard.  Pray for me!