So yeah I am here in AZ on bereavement for my Grandfather Ligon. He passed away on 10/25 & as my grandmother loves saying at 4:32pm. He passed away 20 minutes before I got to the Hospice but I'd almost wish he passed sooner because walking into that room was really really uncomfortable for me. I don't deal with death well & I am one of those people who doesn't want to have anything to do with a body. I don't want to see it, I don't want to remember them that way. Whether it was making Jeff put my iguana in a box so I wouldn't have to see him or shoving our cat Jack onto Jeff's lap after he passed. I just can't handle it. So, I was so very thankful when my brother was on the phone & was able to talk to me & make me feel safe.
Since Monday things have gotten insanely crazy & hectic. It is so hard to grieve for someone when you are constantly cleaning up his crap & dealing with his secretive nature. I mean who leaves your wife a safety deposit box key to a safety deposit box that we have no idea where it is?! And then when we do find the bill for the box, the key doesn't fit into that box! Oh my God. Not too mention the drawers upon drawers of bills from the last century. We found utility bills from his mom's house. His mom died before I was even born! All I keep praying is for sanity to get me through this.
Tomorrow is the funeral & I hope to be able to grieve then. My brother will be down from Flagstaff & I am happy that I will be able to lean on him for a day. I have been trying to be supportive & strong for my Mom & Grandmother. However, my strength & controlling attitude tends to get them upset. I try to keep it under control but it is really hard ;) Ahh it's family so we love each other anyway.
My goal for the rest of my stay here is to clean out all the crap in my Grandmother's house. Organize her closets & maybe buy her some new nice things. I also hope to get her started in the Legal Aid program so she can get those safe deposit boxes open. Personally I am really dying to know what is in there. Mom says this experience is like being detectives, searching for all of the missing pieces in my Grandfather's life. But above all I am here to give my Grandmother a shoulder to lean on, my Mom, Brother, & I are the only family she has so it is just so important to be there for her right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment